I've never met the girl, but I've always found Jennifer Love Hewitt's slutty-virgin act insufferable. Girls like me love to hate a fake, especially when every guy on the planet would tap that fake ass. I feel somewhat obligated to offer up her least flattering photo here in my defense. Well, ladies and gentleman, Jennifer Love Hewitt has outdone herself. Do you remember the 90s teen crafting machine called The Bedazzler?
Does it not look like a practical joke that some humorless teenyboppers took to the bank? Yes, we have Jennifer Love Hewitt to thank for promoting the Vajazzling service offered by New York City spa Completely Bare in an interview with Mario Lopez for Extra! Well, Jennifer, this doesn't qualify as "Extra" as much as "TMI". Furthermore, I can't help but wonder who wouldn't mind getting adhesive and rhinstones in their mouth. Ugh, wait, nevermind.
If you're rich and shallow enough, you can pimp your crotch to make it shine like that fucking wad from Twilight. But wait, there's more! Who else is behind this craze? Somebody that Extra! left out on purpose.
After my initial dry heaving, there is still one question that begs to be asked: Suck what, Cathy?
Fashion has become a fourteen year old girl. I blame Jennifer Lopez. And Lady Gaga. See the mess you've started, girls?
All because one day someone yelled "fashion!" instead of "you should get that checked out." Vajazzling has hit Second Life, too. This is four-horsemen shit right here. Sorry, it makes me speechless in an I've-Lost-Hope sort of way.
You knew it was coming. No pun intended.
Penazzling!
What straight male gets this, if not for punishment in an abusive relationship? It could be a lot worse, I suppose.
Speaking of the nineties, doesn't this make you think of that song, "Losing My Sexuality"?
Okay, no. I'm sorry. Not even gay men could want this. Only this ungodly male creature could get excited about sparkly cocks:
Shhh, nobody tell David Bowie.
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