Crown Jewels: Condoms Fit For Royalty

"Lie back and think of England" states the page title for Crown Jewel Condoms, a prophylactic commemorating the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Fame in Great Britain is a heavy, freaky burden indeed. Kate Middleton could be a queen years and years down the road, but she'll have the creepiest subjects in the free world. The kind of subjects that make Extra Large Empire Condoms and Extra Strong Churchill Condoms. I dunno about you, but when I think of rough sex, I think of Winston Churchill.

"England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world, with a tradition of coitus going back generations." No shit, Sherlock! How do you think the rest of us got here? 

What really gets me beyond the mental WHY is the logical why. These condoms exist for no reason other than to make money for creeps and I'll give you two reasons:

1."Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs." - The official website offering the condom. So... they're useless.

2. I'm pretty sure that if you're the future King of the British Empire, you don't have to wear a rubber if you don't feel like it.